yeah, it's over. that's why i desperately needed to be emo earlier, but i couldn't. it's weird actually that i couldn't feel the feeling i wanted to feel when it's most convenient that i'd feel that feeling at this very moment -- much more earlier when i was walking back to this dorm.

i was alone. they had left me already and i was all alone... walking back to the dorm, my cellphone told me it was a quarter to 10 pm already so i sped up my walking a bit. but when i was walking, i felt an urge of just taking it slow. contemplating. it was really late already but i guessed nothing wrong could happen to me once i'm inside ateneo -- unless a headless priest suddenly shows up on fr. masterson road. i shiverred. that thought made the hair on my nape stand up. i tried to shrug the thought off.

so there i was, walking. i wanted to be emo. that was gay. but if i were just wearing skinny jeans, a black shirt, black nail polish, thick eye liner and the so-called fringe bangs, then i wouldn't have to wish i were emo for i would've been emo inside and out. that would've set things "right." but was that really the right thing to be at that moment? shouldn't i consider more the fact that i was still an easy access to the ghosts and ghouls that might be lurking around ateneo? huh, should i even believe in them? whatever, i shrugged at the confusion of my thoughts. that was just so random. i was right, i should've just gone with them (even without my clothes!) -- that way i wouldn't have felt this way.

i couldn't help but look at the moon at that time. it wasn't a good sight -- at least not as good as the moon last night (wherein i literally stopped dead and dropped my jaw at the beauty of the light it radiated and with the effect of the cumulus clouds underneath and around it, and the black silhouttes of the trees that the light from the moon touched). this night's full moon wasn't as good. it was weird. there was a faint blue light from it and orange-ish light around it. and as i was walking, i saw a weirder scene: reddish-grayish chunk of cloud eating up the moon. now that made my walk back to the dorm darker... no more light than that from the equally-spaced streetlight.. more emo...

i just continued walking... nothing more in my mind.. people were starting to be visible from my distance; that meant i wasn't alone any longer.

just as i realized, it's over. again.